


The moment she shocked them, they knew, and they became her Companions

by QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds



Series: Character Studies [3]
Category: Cass Pirk Novels
Genre: And then accepting she is THEIR Queen, Angst, Companions realizing who Cass is, Gabriel is Lucian's fiancé, He doesn't really get why Lucian wants to be a Companion, I Love Gabriel, It's not easy for most of them, Like freaking terribly difficult, Like the crazy one that is the Queen, M/M, Realizing she actually might be THE Queen, So much angst, Some Fluff, and you will probably love him too, because without we can't survive this, but he is really supportive, companions trying to protect Cass from everyone, including herself, lets be honest: mostly herself, so does Lucian, so much, there is the background relationship of Lucian and Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:48:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23248753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds/pseuds/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds
Summary: Every Companion of Cass went through it: the horror when they realized who was going to sit on the Throne.They also had three other moments. One in that she shocked them (and she is really damn good at shocking them). One they knew she would be the Queen (even if she was... well, Cass). And one in which they realized she would actually be THEIR Queen.It was a rather emotional adventure for all of them.You don't have to know "Throne" to enjoy this, but it will give you ALL the context ;)Spoiler Warning for all of "Throne" and a little bit for "Ties to the Past" (which isn't posted yet... so... well...)
Relationships: Cass & Amalia, Cass & Anakleto, Cass & Lea, Cass & Lucian, Cass & Takumi, Cass & Victor, Lucian & Gabriel
Series: Character Studies [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1312937





	1. Takumi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Norelica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Norelica/gifts).



> This is for my friend and beta reader Norelica. I love you girl! To more shenanigans, angst and fluff!

I hoped that Cass would become the Queen the moment she intercepted the acid. She was a Dragonslayer and did not hesitate to throw that fact around. Neither her distaste for the situation. Nor her self-hatred that was hidden under barbs thrown around. The magic of the Queen, so I theorized, would not pick a person who did not have the capability of greatness. I hoped it would not repeat its mistake.

It did not repeat its mistake. I knew Cass would become the Queen when I found her in Amalia’s bed, protecting the injured Schwarzlicht. She had sat between rumbled sheets, her hair untidy from sleep, but her dagger and eyes sharp and prepared to fight. To protect the sleeping Paien beside her. Her expression had been hard, set to explain herself, to – another thing I assumed – hide her caring side. As if it was something to be ashamed of. As if showing compassion for another being was shameful.

“My Queen…” I had not planned to say it. Not with the meaning I felt while speaking those words. The conviction that it was the truth. Something deeper than I was able to understand just then.

Cass, the Dragonslayer that would become the Queen of the Paien that I would swear my life to in the near future, observed me silently while I put down the supplies I brought to care for Amalia.

“Come here, I should look at your wounds.”

Her eyes wandered to Amalia, checking her over, before she pushed herself out of bed. Her movements were smooth and graceful. Almost nothing betrayed her stiffness. Her expression closed off and cool while stepping towards me, sitting down as instructed.

“Stop with the _my Queen_ stuff.” Cass muttered, her voice bland and void of any emotion. Still, she held her left arm towards me, letting me tend to her. I only guessed what kind of trust that took for her. I did not know the kind of abuse she most likely had been put through by those who should have loved her.

“If you behave like a Queen, I will treat you like one.” I stated with my upmost sincerity. This was the crux of things. Even if she did not know yet that she would be the Queen, I knew in that moment. I knew she was more. I had no perception quiet how much more she would be. She would easily fly over any hopes and limits I had for her.

“Since when is it royal to sneak into the room of an injured person and watch them sleep at night? I always thought that was creepy and disgusting.” The one-sided smirk and challenging look were probably meant as an act of defiance. Possibly a desperate attempt to diffuse the situation. Nothing in her posture gave a hint about what she thought. This self-deprecating behaviour could be her humour. It could be a way to fish for compliments. Or it was the way she viewed herself.

I met her gaze, holding it for a minute, before unwinding the bandages around her arm and examining the wound and burned skin. "You've come to see if she's okay and have stayed to make sure it stays that way. Though you consider her an Unmensch and an enemy."

She stared at me as if she could not believe anyone would think positive of her. Pain and heavy sympathy wound itself in my heart for the broken girl sitting before me. I did not show any of it. I knew next to nothing about the person that would be my Queen, but I was one hundred percent certain she would not be able to accept those feelings.

Carefully, to not cause more harm and pain when strictly necessary, I covered her skin in ointment before bandaging it again. She did not even blink. That ointment was the most effective which was the only reason I used it on her. I knew how painfully it burned. Cass did not even seem to notice. What had been done to her? Did she even feel pain? Shying away from that thought, I forced myself to focus on the girl in front of me. She did feel pain. I had seen it. She most likely felt the burning. There were several reasons for her to show no sign of pain – each and every one more unpleasant than the others.

“We are not your enemies.” I had spoken those words before I realized it. What was it about her that made me just blurt out my thoughts? Looking up I met her gaze, still unmoved. “We can make change happen when we work together.”

The way she did not react at all was eerie. If she did not show more emotion in the future she would be thought of as an unapproachable deity rather than a Paien. What had been done to her? Those thoughts resurfaced and I tried my utmost to hide the fear I felt stalking up in me.

“What about her?” Her eyes had wandered to Amalia, something akin to worry darkening her violet eyes. How could she have so much compassion for another being if what I had seen written in her scars and reactions were true?

It had been presumptuous then – and even now – to believe I could comprehend any of her suffering. Knowing that she had been forced to kill when she was seven… Just barely old enough to be called a child… And still she protected those around her. She harmed herself to teach Anakleto a lesson, ordering Victor to protect Leander while bleeding out of a self-inflicted cut on her throat. How were we supposed to protect her if she had little to no regard for her own life? How was _I_ supposed to care for her if all she cared for were others – and could not even commit to that?

Patching her up as best as I could while fighting the trembling of my hands I let the fight between her and Leander ensue. He was right. With everything he told her, accusing her off. Even if the others had not understood yet, Leander was as committed to protecting her as I was. He would most likely kill his own brother over letting him harm the Queen. He for sure did not know that yet, but I knew. When he showed of the rune that proved his oath I knew what to do.

Without hesitating I stepped forward and met those pained, confused eyes that seemed to be a mixture of childlike wonder and the endless wish to help others, while still carrying the burden of countless deaths, of experiences no person should ever have to endure – much less someone that had not even lived two decades. I knelt before her, knowing in my soul that this was my destiny. My future was in her hands. I wanted it to be her hands. Whatever would happen I would follow her. To the ends of the earth if I had to. And if I had to kill for her wellbeing, I would do it. If I would have to go against her orders to prolong her wellbeing I would do that too. Accepting any punishment, she would deem necessary.

"I will follow you, Cassandra, Queen of the Paien and Guardian of Righteousness and serve you as long as I live. My life and my faithfulness are yours."


	2. Amalia

Looking back at what happened was as shameful as it was wonderous. Who would have believed that a Dragonslayer could become the Queen? We did not know back then that she was a Pirk. That she was the granddaughter of The Bloody Rose. That she was supposed to be her heir. If we had… If I had known there was a realistic chance I would have killed her. Anakleto and Victor had more right to, still I fear I would have done it. Imagining a Pirk on our Throne? It was too horrendous to even entertain the idea.

I had protected her, together with Lea – the brother of Benedict – and Takumi Makoto. Still, I was not sure if anyone else knew who he was, although I suspected Lea to know. In those first days no one had tried to kill her. Now, we know at least Richard would have tried, if we had not stayed by her side. And I would not have kept watch if I had known who she was. Who her family was. And was that not the peak of hypocrisy?

Cass – the Dragonslayer – had stayed beside me when I had been shot. She had most likely felt guilty because the shooters had mistaken me for the Queen. Still, why would she feel guilty? More than that she had willingly lied down beside me while I was injured. My control could have slipped any second. I could have killed her without even trying. Even if she had not known about my curse, even if she did not know exactly what I was, she knew I was powerful. Dangerous. Of course, she knew. She was a Dragonslayer. I had seen goose bumps erupt on her skin whenever I came too close to her. It was a natural response to the Nothing in me. A dark power that could kill. That would kill if I failed to control it.

Still, when I had woken up in the middle of the night, in pain and confused, she had been there.

“What are you doing here?” It had been all my muddled brain had been able to provide. But it had been the essence of the situation. What had she been doing there?

Of course, she had ignored the question and gotten up. For a confusing second, I had feared she would leave. Had entertained the idea this was all a dream. But instead of abandoning me, like any normal Paien would have, she had helped me drink some water, soothing at least the ache in my throat. Then she had helped me to the bathroom. Not saying a word. Moving me as gently as she could. Not shying away, not avoiding to touch me.

After catching my breath – going to the bathroom had hurt – I had tried again, needing an answer to the confusing actions of Cass, the Dragonslayer. The one that had helped me so gently.

“Why are you here?”

“You did the same for me.” Her voice had been quiet. Not shy just not loud. Like she was most of the time. The mask she wore in that moment did not slip and reveal anything. It slipped just enough to prove to me it was a mask. I had suspected it from time to time, but could not have been sure until now. She did wear masks. How many? Why?

“But why are you _here_?” Even if it was true that I had helped her, I needed her. If I wanted to create a better future, where my brothers did not have to live in fear and might not be feared more than necessary, I had to help her. She did not need me. In fact, she was probably better off without me. I would argue against it, of course. To have me as a Companion would be seen as a status symbol by many. To control a Schwarzlicht was something many Paien wanted. Others would fear her because of me. And as she was not that sympathetic, or nice – not to mention a _Dragonslayer_ – she probably should not keep me around. She needed Paien that others could trust. Like Lucian and Takumi. Even Richard and Anakleto. She should get rid of me and Leander as soon as possible.

“You were hurt because they thought you were the Queen.” Cass stopped as if she had not meant to say that. Why? I had guessed that already.

“Why did you not escape?” She wanted to, we all knew it. She wanted to flee. Probably far away to never be found again. I had seen the scars all over her body. Had seen how little she reacted to the pain that would have paralyzed any of us. Who would have thought that those most tortured by the Dragonslayers were the Dragonslayers themselves? It seemed like justice. It should be justice. Still, there was something akin to pity in me. Takumi had not said a word about it, but some of the scars had been old. They looked like the skin around it had grown a lot. The logical conclusion was that Cass had been small when she had gotten them. Young.

Cass did not answer. She looked at me, her eyes barely visible in the darkness. Her expression had been strained. Controlled, but barely held together?

What happened next, I blamed fully on the drugs Takumi had given me and the fact that I had been hurt and barely conscious at that point.

“You will be the Queen.” My eyes had closed on their own accords. “Our Queen…” Thankfully I had fallen asleep before I could have muttered _my Queen_. I could not have known back then. She had done one decant deed. It was not like she had proved herself to me more than a slightly less psychotic sadist. Sure, she had protected Victor from the acid and the kid Teddy had practically thrown himself on her. She had been fair to the mother too. Still, it was not enough for me to trust her. This was hypocritical as well. I was the one who needed to prove her worth. She was runed by the magic of the Castle. She was our Queen whether she liked it or not. She was our Queen whether we liked it or not, too.

A few days later the worst thing happened – or so I thought. The others – who had started to trust me, to treat me like one of them, which had never happened before in my entire life – entrusted me with Cass’ life. I had known that she was not careful with her own safety, but still I underestimated her will to live. By a mile.

She had looked at me, had seen my power and it would have killed her, if I had any less control over it. Instead of _finally_ learning how dangerous I was, she tried to help. I knew that I had barely touched her with the Nothing – if I had, we would both be dead. Still, she was out of it. Even through the churning of Nothing and magic inside of me, even through the pain and nausea I heard how off she sounded.

“Amalia?”

There was a hand on my shoulder, trying to what? Stop my tremors? It would take more time for me to be able to shove her off. I couldn’t even tell her to run. I pressed my face harder into my arms, concentrating with most of my strength to control the Dark churning in me, trying to claw its way out.

I felt Cass move and for a blessed second, I hoped she would move away. She did not. She stood, pressing her shin against my shoulder. Probably to sooth me. Could a Dragonslayer want to sooth? I believed she tried.

Her voice was almost wavering when she talked to someone I could not see. “We have come to help. We…”

Someone had to see the situation for what it was! Someone had to come for her! Where were the others when you needed them?

“Cass!” Lucian’s voice tore through some of my panic. He would understand. He would get her away. He would not care for what she wanted if it endangered her, I was sure.

“Is everything alright?” He asked and I almost screamed at him, barely keeping my control.

“I would never have believed…” He paused. “You’re bleeding.”

That was not the point. I wanted to growl at the Light. He needed to look at her, to see what had happened. Why did he not see it?

“I’m okay. Amalia…” Cass tried, her voice barely recognisable.

“The Queen saved us!” Screamed an unfamiliar voice and I heard cheers. They would turn on me and possibly kill me as soon as they knew what I had done. I could not even fault them. I had almost killed the Queen. It was unforgivable. The faces of my brothers flashed before my eyes and I fought harder for control, barely keeping the fighting Nothingness down.

“Cass…” Lucian started, when I finally had enough. Gritting my teeth, I let one of the shudders escape my grasp while simultaneously hissing a word.

“…seen…”

“What?” Cass asked, worry tinging the almost slurred word. She needed to get away. She needed help!

Trying again, I forced more out, while clinging to the last of my strength. “Bring… Takumi… She has seen me.”

Instead of _finally_ saving her, Lucian must have let go of her – there was no way he had not held onto her – and she pulled me up into a sitting position. I kept my eyes pressed close, barely breathing.

“Are you okay?” The softly spoken words were slurred on the edges and I knew – _knew_ for sure – that she would at least faint. If I was lucky she would only faint.

“Amalia, look at me.”

Look at her? Had she lost the last remnants of her mind?

“Anakleto!”

Finally. The panic in Lucian’s voice was all I needed to hear to relax. He understood. He would take care of her. He would get her to Takumi and he would know how to help her. She would be fine.

Her hands left me abruptly and I heard her arguing.

“Bring her to Takumi.” Panic slipped into my voice but I did not try to hide it. Takumi would take care of her.

And he did. Anakleto stopped the Paien from killing me and as soon as I was sure Cass would be fine, I went to the last house in the street, trying to help as much as I could. Without endangering anyone.

“Amalia?” Cass sounded strained, as if she tried to hide anger. Or something worse.

Flinching badly, I stumbled against a cupboard that crashed down. How had she found me?

“Are you okay?”

I heard her footsteps while she came nearer, probably looking for a way to get to me inside a half-burned house. As if I had not endangered her enough for a day.

“What are you doing here?” Panic and desperation were loud in my voice and I did not even try to hide them. Why did she do this to me?

"Victor is an ass, Lucian robbed me of my last nerve and Takumi tries everything not to kill me." I could almost hear the careless shrug in her voice.

"And Anakleto?" Someone had to be nearby. Why did they let her out of their sight?

"I have no idea where he is."

"It's such an honour to be your fifth choice." I tried for sarcasm but my voice was still laced with desperation. And fear. She held my life in her hands. I had almost killed her. She had every right to condemn me. Worse still then my possible death was that I would leave my brothers behind. My baby brothers who looked up to me.

Even if she did not kill me, I lost her trust and the trust of the others. They had been my first potential at real friends. At people who did not fear me.

“Lea and Rick aren’t here,” Cass said carelessly as if she really could not care less.

I snorted before the severity of the situation crashed down on me again. I squared my shoulder, not yet meeting her eyes. “Are _you_ alright?”

“They told you I blacked out?” She huffed angrily. “Typical.”

“What did Takumi say?” I forced my voice to be calm. It would accomplish nothing to snap at her. I needed to know I did not cause lasting damage.

“Nothing. He just pushed me in between patients because Lucian was making a scene... " Cass sounded annoyed. Angry even.

"Do you know what happened?" Was it possible that she did not understand? That she was here talking to me like nothing happened because she did not know?

“Do you think I’m stupid?” She kicked at a half-charred chair and it collapsed under the force. “Your magic, the Nothingness or whatever almost killed me. So what? I’m good.”

Before I could stop myself, I turned to look at her. She could not be serious.

“So what?” Even to my own ears my voice sounded dead. Did she know what she did to me with these words? She could not, could she?

"Do you realize what it would be like for me to take a life like this?" She needed to understand. If she did not care for herself, I had to make her understand what it could have for consequences. Not just to her. "Even if you were just a..." I hesitated. I was almost sure she did not know that she was a Paien. Right now was not the moment to go into that. "Even if you were not the Queen, this magic, that Nothingness, would have destroyed us both."

She did not understand. I tried again when we were back in the Castle. I told her everything. That I would have killed others. That the Nothing would endanger everyone around as, not just her and me. And what did she care for? My wellbeing. She was infuriating, belittling me while simultaneously ignoring my warnings and telling me to do what was necessary.

She did not show any sign of fear. She did not treat me in any way differently than before. She was still her obnoxious self. Still hiding that she cared for others.

That she had not cared what I had almost done to her was the reason I swore my life to her. I did not lie to her. I did it to atone for the grave sin of my brothers, too. They should have never tried to kill her. It was even more unforgivable then what I had almost let happen. I had known that she would shrug it away. Most of the others would probably have been fine with a scolding of my brothers. So why did I swear my loyalty to her.

I had promised her to never do it. To never follow her like a Companion. It had been foolish. I said it in an outburst. Our Queen was brilliant in a lot of things but her best and worst gift was that she could get under the skin of everyone. She was able to push buttons the person did not even know they had. She had found mine without even trying.

I would do anything for my brothers, to keep them safe. Still, it was not the sacrifice it should have been, giving away my freedom. It did not mean as much to me as Cass’ freedom did to her.

When I stepped up to her, I saw the confusion in her violet eyes. She tried to pull her hand back. Lea held it in place, nodding almost imperceptible, giving his permission. He was her second in command. Getting his blessing was better than nothing. He would be able to calm her. Hopefully.

I dropped down to my knees, holding onto her hand with all of my strength. The magic hit me as soon as I touched her, scaring me for a heartbeat. The pain of the rune felt like a warning. I did not need it. I knew I would not betray her.

“My life and death are yours, Guardian of Righteousness.”


	3. Victor

Cass had been an illogical puzzle from the second I saw her. She did not seem – and later proved not to be – stupid. Still, whenever I turned around, she did something incredible dumb. Jumping in front of the acid? Dense, if it was her plan to make herself more appealing to us. Suicidal if she didn’t have a plan. Of course, she hadn’t planned it. I was almost sure she didn’t plan anything ever.

From there it all went downhill fast. Even now, being a Companion to one of the members of the Dragonslayer clan who had slaughtered my family, I still could not believe half the shit Cass had done. And it had worked. How could it have worked? How could any of us want to follow her?

True, in the beginning only Lea, Takumi and Amalia protected her and I _knew_ they all did it out of ulterior motives. In the matter of two weeks we all fell for her. Well, aside from Richard. But we would find him and we would exact revenge on him. Even if I would have never believed it, I would die for Cass without hesitation.

The first moment she made me actually halt and think was shortly after the fight in the container graveyard. Aside from Amalia, she had been the only one hurt. Still she hadn’t killed the Paien that had attacked her. Chem.

“Why is he still alive?” I had asked annoyed. We had killed all of them, burned the corpses as an insult to the attackers and the one who had actually drawn blood of the Queen was still breathing.

"I didn’t have to kill him to stop him."

It made me hesitate, even if just for a heartbeat. She was a Dragonslayer. A figure of my nightmares since I could remember. One of those monsters that had taken my family away from me – and she had decided to spare some _Unmenschen_ ’s life just because she didn’t have to take it? Did the Dragonslayer who had slaughtered my family while laughing thought they needed to kill them? I couldn’t believe that. They were monsters. Heartless, soulless most likely and she…

“Looks like it worked out great.” The words were out of my mouth before I registered them. I didn’t care.

Cass reached for her dagger when Lea stopped her, defusing the situation with something or another. I barely listened. What was it with her? What had the magic of the Castle seen in her? She was barely more than a sarcastic asshole.

Of course, she proved that to be false just to spite me. Instead of doing anything resembling to logic, she bared her soul to us to protect another murderer. Making sure we knew she was worse. What kind of strategy was that? Stepping between Leander and Anakleto, she stopped all of us just with her words.

"Do you know when I first killed?"

Anakleto shook his head. I wouldn’t tell him, but that impressed me. I was barely able to breath. I didn’t want to know this. She could keep her sad back story to herself, because I did not want to know.

"When I was seven. My first assignment. The Paien was already tamed and my father gave me the knife, while my grandmother explained to me that it was a great honour. I understand if you won’t go with us." Her voice was calm, almost apologetic.

Seven? She had been forced to kill when she had been _seven_? My blood ran cold. Shivers almost moving my limbs while I forced myself to keep calm. I didn’t hear what she talked about with Anakleto, couldn’t care less while trying to imagine her at the age of seven. I was scared just by what I had witnessed, and by the losses of my family. Glimpses of her body had been enough to let all of us know that she had had a terrible life until now. Still, I had not pitied her. She was a Dragonslayer. She was an enemy. She had decided to be one, right? She had to have wanted to be one.

“Seven?” I barely recognized my own voice, horror almost screaming out of it. Later I would hate myself for it, just then I barely recognized it.

Cass looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Do you think a Dragonslayer is born bloodthirsty? We are trained and broken until we make our family _proud_." She turned to Takumi, whose face was even less emotive than usual. Not even the band in his eyes moved.

I would never be able to forget those words. The disgust in it. The hatred. She didn’t want to be one. She probably never wanted to be one. I remembered the way she had almost sacredly touched the water-Paien child. As if she thought she could hurt it by the gentle caress. As if she could corrupt it just by being in his presence.

What if she really was pure enough to be the Queen? What if… I could barely breathe. What if she really had been pure when they had begun to _train and break_ her. How could she have survived it? How could she… How many years had she…

Another thought erased everything else from my mind. What if she was a Pirk? Not only didn’t I know if I could serve her if she was, I knew she was faster than I was. How would I be able to kill her? Still worse, I could imagine what The Bloody Rose would do to break someone. I had seen it. I had heard it. But would she do that to her own family? Would she…

“What family do you belong to?”

I only realized I had asked her, when she met my gaze. There was nothing in her violet eyes when she looked at me. Nothing at all.

“None.”

Just a few minutes ago I would have assumed that she hid the information for ulterior motives – probably to get us killed later either by her family or by other Paien when they found out we supported her. Now, I wasn’t so sure anymore. If I was honest, I might think, this was the truth. She didn’t belong to any family. She had fled them because… She was running to not… what? Be tortured anymore? Could she actually feel remorse?

That question was answered just a couple hours later when Cass had a shouting match with Lea who was almost losing it.

"Do you think I said that because I wanted to present you an excuse?"

I stopped just outside of her bedroom door. The shouting had been loud enough to hear from the hallway.

"Do you think I wanted to take the blame from you? You will always be guilty and if you have a scratch of a conscience, this knowledge will kill you a little more every day! It's eating you up and that's why you want to be hated for it! That's why you let Anakleto beat you and that’s why you'd do anything to prevent the war! Do you think I don’t understand that?"

I slipped into the room silently, needing to see her face. Could she mean it? Could she, a Dragonslayer, after everything what she had probably gone through, still be good? Could she actually feel remorse? Could she still be pure-ish?

"Do you think I would be still here if I didn’t hope to be able to redeem myself just a little bit before I leave?"

My heart stopped for a second before it took up its work again. Could I believe her? Were the fury and desperation both in her eyes and voice real? Was she playing us?

“You’re the fucking Queen! You…” Lea screamed at her, furious.

I took a calming breath. Whether I believed her or not, I needed to stop them if Lea snapped and tried to kill her.

“I’m a Dragonslayer! I am neither the Queen nor a fucking Guardian of Righteousness!"

“Of course, you are! What do you think are the runes on your arms? I am the brother of Benedict! Sooner or later someone will kill me! You…”

“Welcome to the club,” Cass hissed. A cold shiver ran down my spine and I couldn’t fault Lucian and Anakleto for actually taking a step back. Lea was right of course. He was. Even if I didn’t like it, I knew it. This proved more than anything else that the magic of the Castle… what? Hadn’t made a mistake? Had chosen someone that was desperate enough to try to be enough for the position?

“When you are crowned no one will dare to oppose you.”

Lea was right – or at least very few would. If the legends were true she would be able to win against whoever would be stupid enough to try to oppose her. But why didn’t make that thought my skin crawl? Until now the thought alone had been enough to make me nauseous. Now, I just wanted to agree with Lea. As long as no one outside of the Castle would know how much Cass hated herself, we had a good chance to actually- What the fuck? Cass was a Dragonslayer! And even if she felt remorse for what she had done, she still had done it. The blood of all her victims was still on her hands.

“Then no one will kill you as long as I…” Cass said, but was interrupted by Lea.

“But you don’t want to stay. You want to flee.”

Lea was right. She wanted to flee. She had told us time and time again.

“And I’ll make many happy with it.” She smiled self-deprecating while meeting my gaze.

“That is not true.” The words were out before I could stop them. It was true! Just a couple hours ago it had been true! It still had to be true. But it wasn’t.

“You're not here for a week yet, and you...” I paused. Taking a breath. I didn’t have to tell her. I didn’t. Why did I want to sooth her? Why the fuck did I want to make her feel better? “We've all watched the power of the Queen change you. You are our Queen and you become her a little more every day. There were always followers of the Queen who had a dark past and tried to redeem themselves through their services.”

“And the Queen?” She asked softly, almost as if she didn’t want to hear the answer. There in that moment I got to see a glimpse of what she must have been, before she had been trained and broken. Back, when all she had been was a Paien child.

It took me a couple more days to finally break. A couple more days and more stupidity from the one that would be our Queen.

“Why?” My voice had dripped with desperation.

“Why what?” She asked back, seemingly uncaring. But she wasn’t. I knew. We all knew.

“Everything.” I tried to order my thoughts. I couldn’t. They all swirled through my mind while I stared in those patient eyes.

“Why… Why do you care about Amalia? Why did you risk your life to save her and Leander? Why did you protect the mother and her child? Why…” I screamed at her. "Why do you play the Queen and make all these decisions if you hate us and want to escape? Why do you spit on all the laws and traditions, and still, day by day, become the Queen we need?"

It had taken me time to accept it. To believe it. But as soon as I had seen it, understood that it wasn’t a game to her, I needed to understand her.

"I don’t hate you. I never hated you. Not after my mother was killed or after my father was torn to pieces in front of my eyes. I never wanted to escape anything other than this world.” She inhaled sharply. “If I have to prevent the war and resolve every single conflict of the Paien so that I don’t have to kill anymore, I will."

Her gaze, her voice, her posture, everything was sincere. She meant it.

"Why? You could flee, turn around and never look back." If it was what she wanted, she could probably make us do the work for her. It was a horrible thought, bu if she was influenced by the magic of the Castle, so were we most likely.

She laughed hollowly. "I've tried running, and it brought me here. I don’t believe I have a chance now, infected with the Queen's magic."

I tensed. How did she know this was what I thought? Did she guess or… Her gaze was vacant and just for a moment she looked lost. As if all fight had been drained out of her. Before me stood a young woman that was lost. How could she look so defeated when most of us would already die for her?

"Ask Lea. I'm not here because I suddenly got a conscience from the magician, I..."

"We've all heard what you said." Her words still rang in my ears.

"I am a murderer and almost as good a liar as Lea, and I don’t want to be either of them." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I haven’t lied once since I've been here. I don’t care if you hate me and I don’t care why you are here if it isn’t related to my imminent death. I don’t care whether you believe me or not and if you would wish nobler intentions of your holy Queen, but this is who I am."

I held her gaze and tried to find a hint that this was anything else but the truth. I couldn’t find anything. Not that I had believed there would be anything. As infuriating as it was, I trusted her. She was a Dragonslayer, probably a Pirk if her hair and eye colour were anything to go by. Possibly a granddaughter to the Bloody Pirk, and still I trusted her.

Because I trusted her, I checked her bed after it had seemed like Benedict knew everything about her. The way he had spoken to her and ignored his brother suggested that there was a traitor in our midst. Also, Rick sneaking out of her room was a good indicator too.

The smell of rotten lemons hid me square in the face as soon as I stepped into her bedroom. Her whole bed reeked of it. Shit.

Just to be sure, I summoned some water and let it dripple on her sheets. Smoke sizzled upwards where they had hit.

Before I could decide what to do, Cass slammed a secret door open, throwing me down on the floor.

“Cass!” I rasped, kicking her away, avoiding most of her dagger by chance. “Stop! I can explain!”

She twisted in her fall, still I saw pain flash over her features before she hurled another dagger at my throat.

I let myself fall back on the floor to avoid decapitation. She wouldn’t stop. She must think I tried to kill her. Judging by her fury she must also have thought about what could have possibly happened if I hadn’t seen Richard. The poison could have killed the baby. It could have killed Lea. And even if she didn’t care for herself, she did care for them.

Deciding on the spot that now I could prove myself – or die for her like I had known I would for a few days now, I did the only thing I could do to spare her more pain.

“I swear allegiance to you!”


	4. Lucian

It had been my dream to serve the Queen since I was a little boy. I had known it was a foolish dream. There hadn’t been a Queen for more than two hundred years and the last had turned out to be a psychotic murderer. So why did I still believe in her?

Gabriel always told me it was because I could see hope in death. But wasn’t that obvious? Hope didn’t necessarily mean anything would be perfect. It just meant it could be better. And death certainly could be better than some things.

Gabriel also told me I was a dreamer. But as he loved me for it, I took his teasing gracefully.

When we heard the call, I knew I had to follow it. There was no way I could not. I had turned to my fiancé, the man I loved since we were just shy of sixteen, pleading with my eyes that he would understand. I _knew_ this was my calling. This was what I had waited for my entire life.

But how could I leave him? He was the love of my life. We wanted to get married! We had a future together. How could I be so selfish to throw that all away? To hurt him like that?

Gabriel had smiled at me, pain clearly written in his eyes. “Go.”

“Love…” I wanted to. I needed to. But before, he needed to know that I loved him. Nothing else would have been able to take me from him.

“I know.” He took my face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “I know.” He leaned forward, touching his forehead to mine. “I love you too.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.” Gabriel still smiled at me. He meant it. I knew him better than I knew myself and I knew that he understood. That he tried to understand.

“I don’t-“ I stopped, trying to suppress the sob that was threatening to escape me. This was my destiny and I would follow it. I would serve the Queen and I would make Gabriel proud. But I didn’t want to leave him.

“I know.” He kissed me again. Brushing away the tear that slipped down my cheek with his tump. “But I can’t come with you.”

I knew that, too. Gabriel hoped for a better life, for the fights to end. But he did not believe in the Queen like I did. He needed to stay in control of himself. He needed to be free.

“I know.” I assured him, pressing my lips to his.

For a moment we stayed like this. Foreheads pressed together, soaking up the warmth of the other.

“You need to go.” Gabriel’s voice was barely more than a whisper, still I heard the waver in it.

“Do we…” I couldn’t finish the question, another sob stopping me.

“No.” This time his voice was stronger. His arms encircled me and he pressed me closer while I grabbed at his shirt.

“Are you sure?” I felt his heart beat against my chest, needing to hear it from him. “If I become a Companion, I don’t know if I can marry you.”

“I don’t care. As long as… As long as you love me, I’ll wait.”

It was selfish. I should break up and set him free, but I couldn’t. “Are you-“

“Yes.” He pushed me back enough to glare at me. “I love you and if the Queen really is as holy as you believe her to be, then she will not stop us marrying.”

A laugh escaped me and I smiled at him. This was why I loved him. “I think she will have other problems then our love life.”

“In that case she shouldn’t care either way, should she?” His smile had been perfect in that moment and I tried to carve it into my memory.

“No, I suppose not.”

“You will be her Companion, like you always dreamed and when the time is right, I’ll marry you.”

I had been sure that leaving Gabriel behind would be the worst of it. Then Cass had dropped that she was a freaking Dragonslayer and I was about to turn on my heel and get back to my fiancé.

I didn’t. It was my dream to be here. I believed in the Queen, so I needed to give her at least a chance to prove me… wrong?

Working with the others was harder than I had anticipated. And that didn’t even count Cass, who challenged us every turn. I found an ally in Anakleto trying hard to get to know the others better. Rock bottom greeted me with a slap to my face when Cass, the Queen, protected Leander, the brother and assassin of the King’s Front.

That night, the Castle gave me a phone and I called Gabriel. After that I called him nightly. I didn’t tell him anything that could be used against Cass, just what happened without context. And I listened to him, telling me about his day. I promised him I was as safe as I could be. That wasn’t a lie. He just didn’t know how dangerous the life in the Castle really was.

The moment I knew that Cass actually was my Queen was something stupid and not at all worthy of the recognition. She had already bared her soul to us, showing her true kindness again and again, even though she always tried to hide it. She had proved that her… unorthodox methods worked on us and on others. She had the best intentions even if her execution still needed some work. I had known I would pledge myself to her, not because it had been my dream, but because I saw the potential in her. I saw the kindness and knew she could be who I believed her to be.

It was a stupid fight, one of many we had, when something changed in her and I recognized real panic in her eyes. Victor had tried – rather forcefully – to explain to her that she needed to be crowned for her to be recognized as Queen. At first, she snapped as she always did, but then her behaviour became more desperate.

“I won’t give up my freedom,” she almost screamed. “I won’t be the slave of an incantation of which I know nothing about!”

Her words reminded me so much of Gabriel, so much of a fight we had years back, I couldn’t help but feel for her. I had come here willingly. I had wanted to serve the Queen and so had everyone else. She hadn’t. If you believed her words – and I did – she was forced onto the throne after she had tried to flee her family. And now, the Paien that still showed her daily how little they thought of her, wanted to force her into a ritual? It spoke for her character that she didn’t try to kill us already.

“Cass,” I interrupted her calmly, standing up slowly. Leander had lost control here, so he wouldn’t be able to sooth her.

“You are the Queen and we won’t act against your will.”

It was the truth. She was my Queen. She had been since before I had met her, but more recently since she had taken responsibility for what she had done and let happen while she had been a part of the Dragonslayers – whether it had been willingly or forced on her.

When I told Gabriel about it, he had laughed. “See, Love, I knew you couldn’t believe in someone not worthy of you.” He had been teasing and still it had strengthened my resolve.

It didn’t change that my blood ran cold when she had seemingly materialized out of thin air to ask who Gabriel was.

“My Queen.” I greeted her, trying to hide my panic. Would she believe me that I hadn’t told Gabriel anything? Would she try to find him? What if she tried to make him come here? What if-

“You might understand my curiosity. I’m still not convinced all those traps were made without insider information.”

Panic surged through me, hot and painful. “You don’t think…” I stopped dead. If she believed me to be a traitor, she would see Gabriel as my accomplice. That meant…

“Gabriel is my fiancé.” My voice was hard. I didn’t care. She could do to me whatever she wanted, but Gabriel was innocent! “I didn’t tell him any secrets, but it wouldn’t make a difference. He believes in the Queen as I do!” Or close enough. I wasn’t runed yet, and if this lie would kill me later, I’d be happy to have told it regardless.

“And what do you believe?” She asked almost curiously.

“That you will be the Queen that will bring us peace. Even if you can be obnoxious from time to time.” I couldn’t bite back the heat. This was possibly threatening to Gabriel and however much I wanted to serve the Queen, I wouldn’t let her endanger him. Not as long as I could do anything about it.

“Please excuse my intrusion. I actually wanted to ask a favour of you.” That almost shocked me. She had every right to believe I was a traitor, and to top it off, I had almost threatened her just now.

“How can I help you?”

“If our formation breaks, I want you to concentrate on Lea and Anakleto.” I started to contradict her, but she ignored me.

“The others will focus on me and Takumi. Lea is maybe the likeliest target for an attack, if Anakleto doesn’t try to kill Benedict.” She hesitated for a heartbeat. “I don’t want you to break your promise to Gabriel.”

I tensed up, not knowing how I should respond to that. Did she really mean that? Could she really be this oblivious? This perfect for her position?

“I don’t ask you to protect them with your life, just… keep an eye on them, okay?”

“You don’t need to ask me, my Queen. You can order me.” My voice was soft when I said it. I meant it, too. I hadn’t sworn my loyalty yet – mostly because of her threat to kill anyone who would – but I would follow any of her commands. Any but one.

“Even if I could, I don’t want to.” She turned away, something like dread and fear just barely visible in her violet eyes.

“I’ll keep an eye on them.” The promise came naturally. She was my Queen and I would do almost anything for her, including laying down my life. If she wanted to make sure that two people out of our group would be safe, I’d do it. Even if one of them was Lea.

I would have protected him but of course, I didn’t need to, because Cass did it all by herself. Sacrificing parts of herself to do it. Being ripped out of Anakleto’s room where I tried to calm him was disorientating. But more than that, I feared what could have happened now. Didn’t we all deserve a moment of peace? Just one moment to relax. To heal?

“Richard just tried to kill the Queen.”

“What?” I exclaimed, horrified.

Victor showed us his arm. “I just swore loyalty. You’re next.”

“Stop.” Cass’ hand closed around Lea’s arm. She swayed dangerously even if she kept herself upright. “Rick is obviously gone. They don’t…”

I tried to hide most of my disbelief. Here she was, hurting badly – I had seen just a glance of her back, it still wasn’t treated. It had to be killing her. And despite all of it, she tried to protect us.

“You don’t have to.” She looked at me, her eyes begging me to rethink my decision. I knew it would be easier for Gabriel and me if I didn’t swear myself to her. I wanted to be her Companion. I wanted to serve her. This right here was the reason I wanted to swear an oath to her. She was a Dragonslayer. She had done and survived things I hoped I would never witness and still she always thought of others first.

“Mia will be safer if everyone is runed,” Lea murmured to her, barely loud enough for us to hear it too.

Cass swallowed hard. Her face was pinched like she fought a battle against herself. She would come to the decision to protect the girl, we all knew that, but seeing her suffer over something no one else felt even conflicted about, I stepped forward.

I knelt down in front of her and reached for her uninjured hand, stopping just short of touching it. I wanted this and I let her see it in my eyes, but I wouldn’t force it on her. If she wanted me to be one of her Companions I would make certain that she would be as free as Paienly possible.

Something like understanding – or maybe giving in – passed in her eyes before she put her hand in mine. Her skin was smooth but almost clammy. She was at the end of her line. From this day on I’d be at her side. She would be protected and she would be cared for.

“I swear to you, Cassan…” I caught myself, continuing confidently. “Cass, my loyalty and my life.” I could hear the joy in my own voice, a smile erupting on my lips even while I felt the stinging burn on my skin where the rune burned itself into my flesh.

“Finally, my Queen.”


	5. Anakleto

“You will always be guilty!” Cass screamed at him. At Leander. Lea. The assassin of the King’s Front. The murderer of my sister. The brother of Benedict, who had done nearly as much damage as the late Queen Cassandra herself.

The moment Cass had stepped in front of Leander I had almost attacked her. How could she protect him? How could she condone what he had done?

Of course, she made everything worse by telling us what she had gone through. She had been seven years old for crying out loud! How could you stay angry with her when you knew what had been done to her? She even made me question what had been done to Leander.

Finding out that he hadn’t been the actual murderer of my sister wasn’t as much a relief as it could have been. He still would have killed her if it had been his assignment. Cass would have killed each and every one of us if it had been her assignment, too. Still, I stayed in the Castle. Was it just because I hoped she could be what the Paien needed despite her being a literal nightmare to all of us? Or might it be the magnetism that seemed to draw all of us closer to her.

I had never met someone quiet so… infuriatingly irresistible and irresistibly infuriating. Every time she opened her mouth it was a 50-50 chance that she would say something inspiring, something that made you believe in her and respect her or something you wanted to murder her for. And sometimes she said something so horrible you wanted to go to her and wrap her in warm blankets while simultaneously run away from her screaming.

This situation right here was all of it at once. How could she do this?

"Do you think I said that because I wanted to present you an excuse?" She rammed her index finger into Lea’s chest, glaring at him for all she was worth. "Do you think I wanted to take the blame from you? You will always be guilty and if you have a scratch of a conscience, this knowledge will kill you a little more every day!" She rammed her finger again into his chest. "It's eating you up and that's why you want to be hated for it! That's why you let Anakleto beat you and that’s why you'd do anything to prevent the war! Do you think I don’t understand that?"

My heart clenched at the guttural sound of her voice. How could one being be so desperate?

"Do you think I would be still here if I didn’t hope to be able to redeem myself just a little bit before I leave?" She was screaming her pain out – to Leander who looked at least as pained and angry as she was. And she still did all this for someone else. For _him_.

"You're the fucking Queen! You..." Lea screamed back at her, real desperation entering his tone now. I hated him for everything he’d done. Right now, he tried to do something good.

"I'm a Dragonslayer! I am neither the Queen nor a fucking Guardian of Righteousness!" She screamed back, ready to fight him to – what? What was her goal here? We all had learned it the hard way – Cass knew what she was doing, even if she cut her own throat to prove a point. I had seen Leander try to save her. She had hurt herself to prove that to me. Another situation she had proven her absolute enigma to us.

"Of course, you are! What do you think are the runes on your arms? I am the brother of Benedict! Sooner or later someone will kill me! You..."

"Welcome to the club." Cass hissed these words so coldly that Lucian and I took a step back. Lea didn’t even blink. Even if she was sarcastic and her words could probably kill, I’d never heard so much hatred, so much loathing. And it was all directed at herself. Could she really believe she was going to be killed? On the other hand, how could she not? She had said it earlier. She was sorry for what she let happen, for what she did. Was it possible Leander felt like her? He seemed to… But even if he did, would it change anything? He still killed my sister. His brother ordered her death. Even if he was seeking redemption, would I be able to forgive him? Could I trust him near the Queen?

If the Queen trusted him, did I want to be near her?

The answer to that question was yes. It might be because of the magic of the Queen luring us to her – but hadn’t I believed in it before I met her? Of course, she still made me want to strangle her more often than not but then again, she answered a call for a chitchat because she felt it was her duty. Even if she still pretended she would leave as soon as she could. Even if she still pretended she didn’t care about any of this. Of her destiny.

“Isn’t it better to act out of conviction than out of guilt?” She asked the old Paien standing in front of her. Her words rang with truth.

She would probably deny any of this later but this – this right here – was the Queen speaking. And she meant it. She just didn’t know it yet, but she would be our Queen. I might still struggle, might still fight the hatred inside of me – and I might do that forever. Revenge wasn’t something a Companion should seek, but I did. I wanted Benedict to pay. And I did make him pay.

“Is there anything else I can do?” Cass asked the Paien and I had to bite down on my lower lip. There she went again. We were on possibly-enemy territory and she handed out opportunities for them to kill her. It was also endearing. If he had a valid request I _knew_ she would help him. Because that was the person she really was. Beneath all the hurt and the training and being broken since she wore pigtails. She was plain _good_. Alexia would have loved her. And she would have fought with her nonstop. They would have been quite the pair.

One of the things most prominent of the Queen was that she always made sure all of us were fine. Lea was her favourite and watching them together, observing them try to hold on… it made sense. Regardless, she still looked after all of us. Even if she just stepped into our rooms without knocking.

“My Queen.” I tried to hide my blush, thanking the heavens that at least I had worn pants when she entered. “Are you okay?” That question was kind of stupid. She was hurt. She held the girl that just lost half of her family to a fire and the exhaustion was clearly written in her violet eyes.

“Ahm. Yes. I didn’t mean to…” She stopped herself. “How are you?”

I frowned lightly. “If this is about the rune, I…”

“No. This is about Benedict.” The mention of the name was enough for me to straighten. I had almost forgiven Lea. I could accept him now. I didn’t hate him anymore! But if Cass wanted me to-

“What about him?” My voice was cold and angry, even if I had tried to keep calm. I startled the girl and Cass took the time to calm her down – giving me the time to do the same. She wasn’t here to tell me she would forgive him. Yes, she didn’t want to kill him – and I strongly disagreed – but she wouldn’t let him go free. She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

She visibly inhaled before going on. “I’m sorry you had to hear that yesterday.”

“What?”

“You shouldn’t have to hear us.” Cass struggled to hold the girl still in her arms and it was obvious that she favoured her uninjured hand.

“You played him.” I recited what Lucian had told me yesterday when I had been too angry to see it. She had played Benedict, and even if he had played her too, she knew he was dangerous.

“I tried to, but he was better.” There was regret in her words. She always found fault in herself.

“Did you believe him?” The heat in my words was unwarranted. Benedict was dangerous, a manipulator. She shouldn’t feel bad that he was the worse person. Because Cass, despite everything she might have done, was good. I didn’t know how she could be – but she was. Right now, she was in pain, she had so many things more important to do and she was standing here, comforting a baby that wasn’t hers and talking to me, trying to make me feel better.

“No. Not for a second.” Something like memories flashed through her eyes, making her seem even older. More broken. She visibly straightened. Even broken, she would still stand tall.

“Then why… Lea. You wanted to spare him?” Because this was Cass. She would probably burn herself alive just to spare another person, no matter who they were or what they had done.

Agony contorted her features before it disappeared with a harsh exhale. “I wanted him to realize what his brother is.”

“And what is he?” My voice was hard again, even if I didn’t mean to make it worse for her.”

“An Unmensch.”

“You will kill him?”

“I will do anything it takes.”

I believed her. I trusted her. She was my Queen. “Okay.”

I knew I would never regret my oath, even if I would still want to strangle her from time to time.

“I swear allegiance to you, my Queen, Guardian of Righteousness. My life and faith are yours.”


	6. Lea

I was a Companion to the Queen. And not just any Companion, no. I was the first. Cass had made me her second in command. And wasn’t that irony in its purest form?

I had been right, of course, I had been. But not even I could have imagined how much of a force of nature she would be.

My oath to her had been part of a deal – even if I had purposefully phrased it so that I would get an out anytime I needed – it had been accepted and I was stuck a Companion. It had been the best day of my life. Not because Cass protected me, throwing herself before me like a lioness defending her cup. Not because she proved then and there that she was a worthy Queen. That she was compassionate and so damn empathetic. It was the best day of my life because I got an actual purpose. I would serve Cass, my Queen, till the day I died.

And then everything went to shit.

“My sister…” Anakleto’s eyes flickered to me. Hatred and agony plainly visible. “He has slaughtered her because she refused to follow Benedict.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled. I hadn’t. Probably. I’d never killed a Wechselbalg, so I most likely hadn’t killed his sister. It didn’t matter anyway.

When Anakleto jumped forward, I let him hit me, protected me just enough to prevent serious injuries.

“That’s enough.” Cass jumped into the fight after a couple of minutes, letting Anakleto vent his anger. She pushed me backwards with her back, shielding me with her body.

Anakleto glared at her angrily, but not willing to fight his Queen – whether he realized this yet or not.

"Why don’t you condemn him?" He screamed at her, despairingly.

"Do you wish a prosecution?" Cass’ voice was calm, as if she was discussing the weather. What was it about her that compelled her to never, not once, react like it was appropriate?

Anakleto breathed heavily, more of his restraint than the effort of the fight.

"Why didn’t you hurt him?" She asked calmly and I wanted her to stop. I could guess where this was going and I didn’t want her… She couldn’t…

"He has..."

"I'm talking about you!" She grabbed his right fist and held it to his face. "You could have hurt him if you had wanted to. You might have tried to kill him, but you didn’t. Why didn’t you?"

Anakleto stared at his fists as though he didn’t know why they hadn’t tried to strangle me when he had the chance.

"Did you kill his sister?" She didn’t look back at me, but she didn’t need to. I imagined she knew this feeling. She probably hoped like mad she wouldn’t be put in a position like this in the near future. I hoped with her.

"Yes." I hadn’t, but it didn’t make a goddamn difference. I would have and my brother had ordered her death most likely. Even if I said the truth, why should he believe me? I was a murderer and it didn’t matter if they hated me for a crime I didn’t commit. I had killed enough sisters to deserve worse.

"Why?" Cass voice was still calm, even if there was an underlaying warmth. Understanding.

"It was my order." It always had been.

Anakleto shrank back, pain stricken. I wanted to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. I didn’t. It wouldn’t make a difference, and I knew better.

"When did you first kill?"

No. I didn’t want to answer that. They shouldn’t pity me. It was my fault. It was my damn fucking fault. I had killed all of those people.

"I was eleven." There was nothing in my voice. Good. There was nothing in me.

"Who?"

"One of my teachers."

"Why?"

"It was my order."

Anakleto closed his eyes and turned away. Why did she torture him like this? I had it coming, this was the least I deserved, but Anakleto? He didn’t deserve this! He didn’t deserve to be hurt in front of everyone. Especially not if she tried to make me look sympathetic.

"Do you know when I first killed?"

I closed my eyes trying to fight my gag reflex. She couldn’t. She couldn’t! And worse yet: I didn’t want to know. I could guess – and that was worse enough.

"When I was seven. My first assignment. The Paien was already tamed and my father gave me the knife, while my grandmother explained to me that it was a great honour."

Bile rose in my throat. I had been right. How could Cass still carry all that light in her? How could she be this… _good_ despite everything that she had been put through?

"I understand if you won’t go with us," she murmured, giving Anakleto an out, trying to soften the blows she had just delivered. Did she even know what she just did?

"No." He turned to her, his eyes grey and empty. "I will serve the Queen."

"As will Lea," she said calmly as if that was an irrefutable fact. "Can you live with that?"

Even if he would be able to – I barely could stomach it. What did she think? She was supposed to be the Queen and she was perfect! And what did she do? Associate herself with the assassin of the King’s Front.

Of course, I didn’t do the noble thing and stepped down – but I wasn’t good like her. I was selfish. I wanted to be close to her. Wanted to see as much of that light as I was allowed to.

When Lucian and Anakleto argued for me to be put in a cell, I accepted it. Cass wouldn’t. She would fight and lose the support of the others – and she desperately needed it. Even if I wanted to stay with her – I knew I could protect her – I urged her to give in. She needed to at least try to make connections to the others, to prove to them, that she wasn’t influenced by me. That she really would be the Queen of the Paien.

Instead, she cut her own throat. The second I saw the blood run down over her pale skin, I surged forward, slapping the knife away and steadying her head. Trying desperately to move her as little as possible.

The icy smile that bloomed on her lips was my undoing. How could she jeopardize her own destiny like that? How dare she put my life over her own?

“Cass…” I hissed furiously, when hands grabbed me from behind, pulling me from her and pushing me back.

“Victor!” Cass yelled, still protecting me. What the fuck! Why?

Ignoring all of them, I glared at her. She hadn’t hurt herself seriously. This was just another of her fucking stunts. “Why did you do that?”

She had the audacity to fucking ignore me. Her eyes drilled into Anakleto’s.

“What did you see?”

“A suicidal Queen,” Anakleto hissed, but beside the fury still burning me up, cold fear slithered into my gut. Was she suicidal? Did I have to watch her even more carefully?

“And?” Cass prompted, almost annoyed. When no one answered her, she prompted him again, “What did you see, Anakleto?”

“He attacked you.”

“What did he do?” She asked him mercilessly and I pressed my eyes closed for a second. She could be ruthless if she wanted to be. I didn’t deserve her care. Anakleto didn’t deserve to be treated like this.

“He has prevented you from hurting yourself,” Lucian growled, saving Anakleto. “That wouldn’t have been necessary if you…”

“Locked him in the dungeon?” She pushed Takumi’s hand away and stood up, ignoring the blood that still slit down her throat and drenched her shirt. “Then I would have to lock myself in the cell next door.” She was probably right, but she couldn’t say that! She couldn’t.

“I understand your desire to kill him.”

“Do you?” Anakleto asked, hope and misery mixing in his voice.

“Yes.” She met his eyes with a serenity that she had earned through blood and pain and tears. “But if you want to kill him, you have to kill me first.”

“CASS!” All the agony burst out of me. This couldn’t happen. I had joked that I would ruin the Queen with me being here, but I never intended… I wouldn’t let her! “What are you doing?”

“Queen, you…” Lucian tried to save what he could, but of course, Cass wouldn’t let him.

"I'm nineteen years old. The first time I killed I was seven. It's not that hard to imagine what I've done in the years between." There was something final about the way she said this, as if she waited for us to kill her. To condemn her like she refused to do with me. She had said it herself: she was trained and broken. She was brainwashed. No one in their right mind would believe she would have done any of what she did out of her own free will. Even now, baring her soul, making it painfully clear that her body count was probably thrice as high as mine, her light shone bright.

"I was made what I am today and have only now decided to fight for myself. At least one of you has personally suffered because of me or my family. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were more than just one."

Of course, she would go there. I had suspected it and logic dictated it, but still I had hoped it wouldn’t be true.

"Lea was also made what he is today and I will not pretend I wouldn’t understand why he acted like he did." Her gaze settled on Anakleto. "I'm sorry what he did to your sister, and I'm sorry what I would have done to her or to each of you if you had been one of my assignments."

I swallowed hard. Where did she take the strength to apologize for what she had done? For what I had done? How did she know that I couldn’t? How could she stand there, still bleeding, a Dragonslayer for fucks sake, and apologize?

"I'm sorry for what I let happen when I should have stood up and stopped them. I’m sorry for what I did myself when I should have refused. I'm sorry I needed twelve years to find the courage to flee."

The moment the words left her mouth, she turned on the spot fled. But she did it after all of this. After baring her soul. After giving up herself, just to make the others understand why she protected me. How was I ever going to be worthy enough to serve her? To be there for her – because I understood. She needed a friend. She needed a family. I just shouldn’t be a part of it. She deserved so much more.

Of course, she had decided that I would be her personal project. She stuck to me like glue. As much as I _knew_ I should stop her, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead I found ways to be useful to her. She showed me how siblings should work. She became my friend without me ever noticing. I would die for Cass whether she was the Queen or not. She proved to me time and time again that even if she was an enigma, she knew what she was doing – and she would kill herself before betraying any of us.

Even if it meant letting me go.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I hadn’t. But seeing Ben… I had seen the brother that I still loved, lying like that. I had seen the glint in his eyes and knowing he was seconds from ordering his assassins to kill Cass. I couldn’t control myself. Instead of doing anything else, I had burned her. Again. Why didn’t I take it as the screaming sign it was? I was a danger to her!

Still she was here, probably hurting, desperate and just short of breaking down again – and all the worry and agony clearly written over her features were all for me. How she could have thought for even a second that she really was heartless was beyond me.

“You helped me,” she replied, matter of fact, ignoring completely that she had helped me. And that I had hurt her.

“I burned you.” There was barely anything left in me. I’d lost everything. My voice was as weak and dead as I felt.

“I could have moved away.” She hadn’t. She had moved closer. Lending me her strength and protection while I had burned her.

“You are going to kill him.” It wasn’t an accusation. Just a shattered statement. She should kill him. I knew he deserved it. I deserved it, too.

“I’m going to stop him.” Her voice was calm, even if I heard the pain underling it. Because she felt for me. “Whatever it takes.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled. She was the Queen and she would do what was right. Even if it killed her. Even if it hurt her as much as it would hurt me. Ben was still my brother. The one who had helped me through my grief when he too was hurting because our parents had been killed. The one who had tried to give me a normal childhood. The one who had started me on self-defence training when I was a kid because back then he had wanted to make sure I could protect myself.

The one who had made me kill. Again and again. The one who had sent me here, to the Castle of the Queen, to kill her. The one that had looked me dead in the eye and I hadn’t recognized him.

I loved Ben, my big brother. But he was dead. At least for a few years now. I knew that. It was the reason I had come here in the first place. I was weak. Stupid and pathetic. Cass had given me everything, trusting me when she knew it was a bad idea. Comforting me when she knew what I had done. Staying with me when I didn’t deserve any of her kindness. If I wasn’t able to get over this, she would have the others and they would be better for her than I ever could.

“I’m sorry.” Tears spilled over and I gave up. “I didn’t tell him anything about you. He must have another…” A sob stopped my words and I just stood there. She shouldn’t have to deal with me. She should go to Takumi, letting him take care of what I had done to her.

She rushed forward, wrapping me in a strong embrace, pressing herself to my body, as if she tried to absorb the pain cursing through me.

My arms wound around her, pressing her to myself as close as I could. She was the only thing keeping me standing. The only thing that stopped me from crashing completely and burning out. I pressed my face into her shoulder, letting the tears flow. This could very well be the end. Of Ben. Of me. The only important thing in the world was the broken girl that held me together with her own arms. There was nothing left.

“I’m here.” The pained whisper was everything she could offer. The agony so plainly offered soothed my own.

I let myself drown in the misery. I was surrounded by the what-ifs and the broken sobs of the small boy that had lost his whole family, even if he hadn’t known back then.

Sometime later, my breathing calmed. She hadn’t moved. Not once. She still clung to me and even hesitated to let go when I moved. There were no traces of her physical pain, even if I knew she had to be hurting.

I took a step back, rubbing the tear streaks away with my sleeve. She looked younger when I had ever seen her, even broken down. She looked like she was preparing herself for another loss. Could that be true? Could this hidden panic be really there because she feared I’d broken once too many?

“Don’t worry Cass.” My voice was hollow – still I meant it. I would be by her side as long as she let me. I would give her anything she needed from me. Be anything she needed. Her second in command, her Companion. If she let me her friend. If I was allowed to her brother.

“I think that isn’t an option anymore and I fully blame you for that.” Brutal honesty had woven itself in her words and it almost made me smile.

“And I will take full responsibility.”

And I did.

“I swear my allegiance anew to you. I will follow you, Cass, wherever you lead. My life is all yours. And if you still want me to be the representative of the Queen, I offer you that as well.”


End file.
